The Official Unofficial 2002 NFL Draft Timeline

Posted by admin - 22/04/02 at 12:04 am

The NFL Draft Day timeline, 2002:

Wednesday, 1:00pm: The Houston Texans announce they will be taking Fresno State quarterback David Carr with the number one pick. Jets fans worldwide boo, just to get into shape for next week’s draft day.

Saturday, 5:45am: Mel Kiper, Draft Expert, awakens to find neighborhood youths have broken into his house, and are attempting to chisel off pieces of his hair for sale at an online auction.

April 20, 2002, 11:00am: NFL Draft 2002 coverage gets underway. ESPN’s live broadcast team includes twelve people at the draft site, nine anchors, six analysts, a steel cage containing two draft experts and a rabid wolverine, fifteen reporters at NFL sites nationwide, a biomechanics expert, a phone hook-up to Barcelona, one reporter dispatched into the Thunderdome-like crowd, two members of Ozzy Osbourne’s family, and Jimmy Johnson.

11:08am: NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue welcomes everyone to the draft.

11:15am: In spite of being on the clock since 1999 and already having their choice under contract, the Houston Texans still take seven minutes to announce their pick. Jets fans boo, which to them is the equivalent of pregame stretching.

11:17am: A debate sparks over David Carr’s sidearm delivery and its possible effect on his NFL career. Rams coach Mike Martz, who holds a degree in biomechanics, says Carr’s delivery will not be a problem, while ESPN analyst Ron Jaworski says Carr will have to change his style of play to make it in the NFL.

11:20am: As the debate intensifies, Jaworski claims Carr “couldn’t sling peanuts in the cheap seats with that sidearm junk.” ESPN anchor Suzi Kolber slips out for a beverage, leaving Jaworski ranting at the camera like Hulk Hogan before a title match.

11:23am: Carolina selects North Carolina defensive end Julius Peppers. Jaworski offers to take Martz outside in the parking lot, and “compare delivery styles, fathead.”

11:26am: In an interview, Texan David Carr calls for peace at the draft. An on-screen graphic indicates the over-under for mentions of the word “biomechanics” is twelve.

11:35am: Mel Kiper, Draft Expert, announces that if the Detroit Lions do not select Oregon quarterback Joey Harrington with the next pick, the terrorists have won.

11:38am: The Lions select Harrington. An on-screen graphic indicates that Harrington is the first Oregon quarterback taken in the first round since Akili Smith, and the first quarterback taken in the first round by Detroit since Andre Ware. Hearing his name mentioned with Smith and Ware, Harrington is visibly frightened.

11:46am: Buffalo makes their first pick, Texas lineman Mike Williams. Buffalo also makes New England an offer for quarterback Drew Bledsoe involving a draft pick next year. An insulted New England counter-offers a Drew Bledsoe bobble-head doll for that trade. Buffalo asks for time to consider the offer.

11:58am: San Diego selects Texas cornerback Quentin Jammer, putting the Dallas Cowboys on the clock. Coverage shifts to the Cowboys draft room, featuring Jerry Jones stalking the room, working the phones like the ghoulish specter of bad drafts past.

12:15pm: The draft clock expires on the Cowboys, leaving every single person in attendance puzzled as to what happens next. The Cowboys War Room becomes the Panic Room. Anarchy briefly breaks out in the crowd, until Jets fans unite everyone in a chant of “Eagles suck.”

12:16pm: It is revealed the Chiefs are working out a trade with Dallas to select defensive tackle Ryan Sims, and for a moment the draft skips the Cowboys and turns to the next pick, held by Minnesota. The Vikings, who also want to draft Sims, try to reach the Commissioner to make their pick. In a situation that serves as a metaphor for the Vikings defensive line problems, a Chiefs assistant equipment manager blocks their representative out of the play. Kansas City gets the deal, and drafts Sims.

12:20pm: The problem surrounding the last draft pick is unraveled. Minnesota claims to have had their pick written down, but Kansas City claims to have made the trade before Minnesota’s pick. ESPN Classic announces the sixth pick is now an “instant classic,” and it will be reshown Saturday night at nine after Bernie Mac in “The Dennis Green Story.”

12:37pm: After successfully trading down, Dallas selects Oklahoma safety Roy Williams. Jerry Jones and Jimmy Johnson do interviews where they speak of each other in vague terms.

12:39pm: Unable to draft a disappointing player at this point, the Raiders attempt to trade for one.

12:50pm: Redskins owner Daniel Snyder unsuccessfully attempts to move up in the draft by offering to trade two tickets to the next “Star Wars” movie.

1:03pm: The Cincinnati Bengals turn down offers to trade down, and take Arizona State tackle Levi Jones in spite of the fact he would still be available later in the draft. Bengals coach Dick LeBeau announces Jones is the missing ingredient for the Bengals offense. Somewhere, Bengals quarterback Jon Kitna ponders the phrase “Jon Kitna Ford Lincoln Mercury.”

2:31pm: Daniel Snyder trades the Redskins first round pick for a date with newly single Tawny Kitaen.

2:36pm: The Atlanta Falcons, in a surprise move, select Michigan State running back T.J. Duckett. Current Falcons running back Jamal Anderson is reached by phone in Barcelona, where he is covering an NFL Europe game. During the post-game interviews, Anderson slips each coach a copy of his resume.

3:04pm: The Packers and Seahawks trade picks. The ESPN graphics are now featuring six different things moving on the television screen at the same time, not including Mel Kiper, Draft Expert’s hair.

3:27pm: In a tradition as old as the draft itself, New York fans greet the first Jets draft pick with a reaction usually reserved for the “Fear Factor Coffin Full O’ Spiders.” Jets fans decide to protest the pick with a hunger strike which, by the size of most of the fans, could still be going on during next year’s draft.

3:50pm: Seattle, who traded down in hopes tight end Daniel Graham would be available, is forced to take Jerramy Stevens instead. Stevens has a character issue to debate, and a hit-and-run incident on his record. Analysts agree the hit-and-run shouldn’t hurt his NFL career, nor will it hurt his chances for winning an Oscar.

4:15pm: Redskins coach Steve Spurrier makes his first-round pick, then leaves the draft room for a draft-watching party, which is a lot like Steven Tyler wandering into the crowd to see how the Aerosmith concert is going.

6:00pm: First-round draft coverage finishes on ESPN, as everyone loosens up their ties except Mel Kiper, Draft Expert, who will not leave his chair for the next forty-eight hours for any reason short of sarin gas.

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