SC Gov Mark Sanford, International Man of Adultery

Posted by admin - 30/06/09 at 02:06 am

I really just wanted to let this one go, but the story surrounding South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford officially went from weird to crazy yesterday.

For those of you who missed it, a couple of weeks ago Sanford just disappeared. Poof. Like Eddie, from the Cruisers. Incommunicado. Gone gone gone he been gone so long, he been gone gone gone so long.

For four days, Sanford was out. He couldn’t be reached by phone, he ditched his security detail, and he took off without telling the Lieutenant Governor to catch the phones while he was gone. He basically just bailed for the weekend, and took the keys to the state with him.

Sanford eventually admitted he had an Argentine lover, and he left the country to be with her. His wife knew, and had known for a while.

Let me be the first to say this. I don’t care.

I neither live in South Carolina, nor do I care about the sexual exploits of its Governor. If he wants to fly to Argentina on his day off and get a little international slick-em-up on his hang-em-down, and his wife’s okay with that, more power to him. If he wants his official political opinion to be that marriage is between a man, a woman, and another woman from Argentina, I won’t stand in his way.

But Sanford got caught, and began apologizing. He apologized to his wife, to his voters, to his colleagues, basically to everyone except the Argentina travel board, who named him “Man of the Year.”

After that occurred, we had some big news that in any other situation, would knock him out of the headlines. However, Sanford just kept on talking.

Tuesday, when the rest of the world had forgotten about him, Sanford gave an interview to the Associated Press that made him sound like he had been dosed with truth serum and Nyquil.

To start with, Sanford admitted he had met with his Argentine lover more times than he originally let on. Sanford also said he would reimburse the state for a trade mission to Argentina last year he used for the purpose of, as the kids say, “hooking up.”

That seems a little bit suspicious to me. What kind of trade agreements are in place between South Carolina and Argentina? What kind of services are being traded? Other than “hot lovin,” I mean.

He said he had “crossed lines” with other women, although never the “ultimate line.” Vagueness doesn’t help here. I would assume we’re talking handsies or mouthsies, or perhaps footsies, depending on what he’s into. I shan’t judge, whatever it is.

To cap it all off, Sanford said he had met his “soulmate,” but he would try and fall back in love with his wife.

Worst. Apology. Ever.

I mean, seriously. Shut up, man. You’re killing yourself here. Drink the fifth, then plead it. You’re spilling your guts like Sgt. Schultz with a fresh plate of LeBeau’s crepes in front of him.

You’re not exactly helping yourself with that all-important female demographic here.

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