Super Bowl XLIV Timeline: Marching In (Saints 31, Colts 17)

Posted by admin - 07/02/10 at 12:02 am

1:00pm Central time, February 7, 2010 – CBS’s pregame for Super Bowl XLIV begins, brought to you by chips, beer, Bourbon Street, and Dwight Freeney’s ankle.

3:45pm – Katie Couric interviews President Barack Obama on the Super Bowl. Next, Keyshawn Johnson and Cris Carter debate health care.

5:00pm – Rihanna and Jay-Z open the kickoff show on CBS, brought to you by Hyundai, who proudly announce they are not Toyota.

5:12pm – Solomon Wilcots reports from the Saints sideline, wearing a pink tAP-CharlieRiedelablecloth and a pink-yet-still-horribly-mismatching tie. HD TV was made for moments like this.

5:20pm – Carrie Underwood performs the National Anthem, clad in white stripper heels and an outfit that can only be described as “Naughty Ice Cream Truck Driver.”

5:21pm – The camera pans the players. Nice of Jeremy Shockey to wash his hair for the occasion. He looks like Kid Rock’s big brother.

5:28pm – New Orleans wins the coin flip, and Jim Nantz informs us the NFC has won the coin toss now 13 straight years, which is statistically remote. Saints fans who haven’t had a Super Bowl appearance in 43 years are unimpressed.

5:38pm – After a Saints punt, Peyton Manning throws to Pierre Garcon, which prior to this season, I thought was the guy who seats you at a French restaurant.

5:39pm – Manning throws to Austin Collie, which prior to this season, I thought was a dog breed.

5:42pm – Matt Stover gets a 43 yard field goal, Colts lead 3-0.

5:45pm – Tim Tebow’s Super Bowl commercial airs. Strangely, the world does not end.

5:49pm – A promo airs for the halftime show featuring the Who, showing classic concert footage of the Who. Apparently, CBS doesn’t know that half of the Who are dead.

6:01pm – Pierre Garcon catches a touchdown pass to cap the longest drive in Super Bowl history. Haiti is happy, Colts go up 10-0.

6:10pm – CBS runs a promo proclaiming themselves the “Network of the Decade,” even though we’re only 38 days into it. That’s like saying right now, the New York Jets are the winningest team of the decade.

6:14pm – Jim Nantz tells us that the NFL Network is the best source for NFL coverage. Coincidentally, this week Court TV is the best source for NFL Network coverage.

6:21pm – Jay Leno appears in an ad for the Late Show with David Letterman. In other news, the Middle East opens for tourism, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston are dating, and Batman and the Joker are recording a new version of “Ebony & Ivory” for charity.

6:24pm – We get back-to-back ads for Career Builder.com and Dockers, both of which feature guys with no pants. Please don’t let the next ad also be for Letterman’s show.

6:41pm – The Saints go for it on fourth and goal from the one, and the Colts stuff them. New Orleans still gets a field goal, though, and trails 10-6 at the break.

6:54pm – The Super Bowl halftime is brought to you by Doritos, who are also bringing us a record number of unfunny ads in the game.

7:01pm – The Who perform, opening with “Pinball Wizard.” The crowd are familiar with wizards from the Harry Potter books, but have no idea what “pinball” is.

7:13pm – The Who finish their set, most of which also serves as a promo for CBS’s CSI lineup.

7:21pm – New Orleans starts the second half with an onside kick, which results in a twelve-minute, twenty-man pileup. Mancrunch.com misses an easy sponsorship opportunity.

7:27pm – The Saints score on a screen pass to Pierre Thomas to take a 13-10 lead. An on-screen graphic indicates this is the first time two guys named Pierre have scored in the same day since the end of World War II.

7:35pm – Peyton Manning converts a third down by throwing a curve ball to Dallas Clark. The Colts cap the drive with a score and lead, 17-13.

8:13pm – Jeremy Shockey catches a touchdown pass to put the Saints up 24-17. Jim Nantz tells a touching story of how when Shockey was on injured reserve with the Giants two years ago, he paid his own way to the Super Bowl to see his team play. Man, the Giants must haved loved Shockey if they wouldn’t even slip him a comp ticket to the championship. Did they make him pay to wash his own jersey, too?

8:29pm – Manning makes an absolutely Favre-ian throw, Tracy Porter picks it off and goes 74 yards for an touchdown, 31-17 New Orleans. They’re dancing on Bourbon Street.

8:43pm – Manning’s fourth down pass goes right through the hands of Reggie Wayne, and the Saints win Super Bowl XLIV, 31-17. Peyton Manning still has as many championships as Trent Dilfer, Brad Johnson, Mark Rypien, and Jeff Hostetler.

OTHER SUPER BOWL TIMELINE COLUMNS:

One Response to “Super Bowl XLIV Timeline: Marching In (Saints 31, Colts 17)”

  1. Tweets that mention Reid About It » Blog Archive » Super Bowl XLIV Timeline: Marching In (Saints 31, Colts 17) -- Topsy.com says:
    February 5th, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Reid, Reid Kerr on SRL. Reid Kerr on SRL said: Last year's Chock-Full-Of-Sarcasm Super Bowl timeline for Saints/Colts…http://j.mp/gy4Fht […]

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.