Archive for August, 2010

Home Despot

31st August 2010 by admin 1 Comment

As I wrote last week, I bought my house about two years ago. It was a fun process, in the same way that most long drawn-out painful expensive processes are. It was like passing a stone that you’ll be paying for for the next twenty years. At the time, I was under the impression the […]

The Smoke From A Distant Tiger

27th August 2010 by admin No Comments

Tiger Woods is leading a golf tournament called “The Barclays”. Why do we still have a golf tournament named for a product that nobody buys? Barclay is probably something like the fourteenth best seller for RJ Reynolds, does Lark or Viceroy still have a major endorsement somewhere? That’s like Frito-Lay shelling out big bucks to […]

Second Or Third Best Western

27th August 2010 by admin No Comments

One upon a time, I had to go out West to Abilene for a friend’s wedding and stay in a hotel room. Me: That’s a reservation for Kerr. Mr. Best Western: Uh…here you go. We’ve got you for two nights. M: We just need the one. BW: Okay. Here’s your bill, we’ll need to see […]

Cleaning Tips For The Lazy, Like Me

26th August 2010 by admin No Comments

For two years, I lived in an apartment the size of a prison cell. My apartment was so small, you could stand in the middle and touch both sides of it, although you certainly wouldn’t want to without a tetanus shot. However, one good thing about living somewhere small enough to qualify as a P.O. […]

Home Fried

25th August 2010 by admin No Comments

Two years ago, I bought my house after a comically long process of house-hunting. Here’s some tips I gleaned from dozens of hours spent walking around houses so awful they could have been from “Fight Club.” I promise you, all of these are real pictures from real houses that real people really wanted us to […]

The Missing Links

24th August 2010 by admin 1 Comment

It’s come to my attention that my website isn’t as high in the search engines, and thus doesn’t get as much traffic as others, because I have elected not to have links to every awful website, link farm, and spam factory littering my pages. Somehow, the fact that I ignored a link request from sites like […]

Table Manners

23rd August 2010 by admin 1 Comment

I don’t know any witty way to start off this story, but a man was arrested for having sex with a table. Yep. A table. I’m going to let that sink in a little. Watch the video of the police chief for more hilarity. Just watch it, so you can tell your grandkids you’ve actually seen […]

Taco Fever

20th August 2010 by admin 1 Comment

This poorly-worded advertisement was on the counter of my local Taco Bell/KFC the other night. My local taco emporium is looking for “Customer Maniacs.” I know they’re trying to make the lucrative field of taco preparation seem exciting, but I think they’ve gone too far. I don’t want a “maniac” preparing my food. Yeah, that’s […]

Thank You, Drive Through

19th August 2010 by admin 2 Comments

Waiting in the drive-through line at Jack In The Box, this preprinted sign was in the window. “For your safety, walk-up guests wll not be served at the drive-through window. This includes guests on coasting devices and non-motorized vehicles that have been altered.” Does that seem a bit unnecessarily specific to anybody else? So I […]

I Wouldn’t Buy That For A Dollar

18th August 2010 by admin No Comments

This is a New Choice Pregnancy Test from the Dollar Tree store, costing a grand total of…one dollar. Offhand, what do you think the failure rate of a dollar’s worth of pregnancy test is? I’m guessing you could probably get similar results from peeing on a stick you found in your yard. I’m going to […]

Vacation Day 2: The End Of An Era

10th August 2010 by admin No Comments

Vacation, Day 2. For my Sunday, I drove a half hour over to Longview and helped a friend of mine move out of his store. As a little background, I am an admitted comic book geek. I grew up a fan, hooked from the first time I saw Spider-Man on “The Electric Company.” Since I […]

Vacation Day 3: I Fought The Law

10th August 2010 by admin No Comments

Vacation, Day 3. Monday of my first full week’s vacation. A whole week of nothing beckons, and how do I start it out? I spend the day in court, and waiting in line. Fun, fun. To begin with, I had to go and get a new registration for my van. The great state of Texas […]