Second Or Third Best Western

Posted by admin - 27/08/10 at 10:08 am

One upon a time, I had to go out West to Abilene for a friend’s wedding and stay in a hotel room.

Me: That’s a reservation for Kerr.
Mr. Best Western: Uh…here you go. We’ve got you for two nights.
M: We just need the one.
BW: Okay. Here’s your bill, we’ll need to see some ID. We’ve got you on the third floor, smoking.
M: I didn’t ask for a smoking room.
BW: Did you order online or over the phone?
M: The phone.
BW: They say you requested smoking, and we’re full up.
M: May I speak to “the phone” please? I have a six year-old child with me. It should be against the law for me to even request a smoking room.
BW: Sorry, sir, there’s nothing I can do.
M: So I reserve a non-smoking room, and in return, you give me a room that smells like Ron White’s index finger and you tell me there’s nothing that can be done?
BW: Actually, we have another room reserved for 6:00pm if you’d like to wait in the lobby and see if they don’t show up.
M: What are the odds I’m going to want to sit here for four hours on the off chance that somebody else will stiff you?
BW: Not good, sir. In fact, I was laughing under my breath as I said it.
M: Fine. We’ll go on up and check out our room, if it’s not passable I’ll call you.
BW: There’s no phone in your room, sir.
M: Eh?
BW: You didn’t request a phone.
M: I requested a suite, non-smoking king sized bed with a pull-out couch. There’s four of us staying.
BW: According to your reservations, I have you down for a single room, no couch, smoking, phoneless, no toilet, and two queen sized hammocks.
M: Can we change any of that?
BW: …Huh? Dude, sorry, I’m on break. I wasn’t even supposed to be here today, but that other lady called in sick.

If this is the “Best” Western, I can only assume the Western in second place had you staying in unairconditioned rooms, watching a puppet show and eating grass for entertainment while fire alarm bells and sirens went off every ten minutes.

— Reid Kerr would like a non-breathing room, please.

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