Archive for September, 2010

Pain At The Little Toy Pump

21st September 2010 by admin No Comments

I was at Toys R’ Us the other night, ostensibly because I have a daughter, and we were over in the section with all of the toy cars and go-karts. Fisher-Price makes a little plastic gas pump, I guess so when the kids in your neighborhood play race cars, somebody gets to pretend they’re on […]

Leaving The Tip Of The Iceberg

20th September 2010 by admin 1 Comment

I think when the end of the meal comes, we all lose focus a little bit. We’re full, we’re sleepy, and then it’s time to tip the waitstaff. To begin with, we can never figure out how much 15% is of anything. Just give up. Take ten percent of the total (move the decimal over, […]

Walmart: A Children’s Story

17th September 2010 by admin No Comments

Hey kids! Look at what we get to do! We get to wait in line at Wal-Mart! It’s just like the time Daddy took you to Six Flags, only at the end of the line we don’t get to ride the roller coaster, we only get to walk out into a barely-lit parking lot with […]

My Charity Case

15th September 2010 by admin No Comments

I’m involved with a new charity I’d like to plug here. I’ve done work with local “Coats For Kids” programs, and there’s another segment of the population who also needs our help. When we help them, we all benefit. I’m sure you’ve been in line at the Kwik-E-Mart before and noticed them in front of […]

An Open Letter To My Cat

14th September 2010 by admin No Comments

I’ll freely admit it, I’m a dog person. Having a cat has been a new experience for me, and while I certainly do enjoy your softness and companionship, taking you in has raised some questions. I’m unfamiliar with cats, are you supposed to sleep 32 hours a day? I worry about you to the point […]

Death To The Morning Zoo Crew

13th September 2010 by admin No Comments

I detest morning DJs. Okay, detest may not be the best word, but loathe just falls short. Everybody thinks their favorite radio guy is different. There’s always two guys, one of them usually named after an animal (“Cooter & The Weasel,” “Bubba & The Big Dog,” “Willie & The Wombat”). The sidekick guy is in […]

Mid-Life Crisis On Infinite Earths

5th September 2010 by admin No Comments

I am now 42 years old. Some people refer to that as “middle aged,” but to assume that would be pretty presumptuous,  based on my eating habits. And by “eating habits,” I mean “eating whatever is in front of me until I’m too uncomfortable to continue.” Not too much has changed in my life, other […]

Irony Ink

4th September 2010 by admin No Comments

I was at the grocery store, and I saw a man walking towards me pushing his buggy. He was short, paunchy, dirty, wearing a soiled tank top. His arms were covered with poorly-drawn tattoos, the faded greys making him look even filthier. He appeared to be in his late twenties and already balding, with a […]

As Seen On TV, Always

2nd September 2010 by admin No Comments

Catching up on some television over the weekend, I think I’ve hit upon why real life is so frustrating. There are things that happen all the time on television that just don’t happen to us in real life. Cars Exploding – I’ve mentioned this one before, but cars explode on every single cop and detective […]

I Fought The Law, Or Someone With My Address Did

1st September 2010 by admin 2 Comments

About two months ago, I got a bill for a toll from the Texas Tollways TXDOT (Texas Department of Transportation) folks. The bill: 1) Didn’t list when the infraction occurred. I don’t remember ever driving on a toll road, and since I’m a cheap bastard, I doubt I did. 2) Didn’t list where the infraction […]