Happy Halloween, Now get Off My Lawn

Posted by admin - 31/10/10 at 01:10 am

It’s apparently election time around here, judging from the fact that when I drove through my neighbor’s yard on my way to my driveway late last night, I wound up pulling a couple of brightly colored signs out of my hubcaps.

Happy Halloween to everyone. As always, I’d like to take this moment to make my annual plea to middle-aged guys everywhere.

Please. Stop dressing up as KISS every Halloween.

Seriously, guys. For the love of the Phantom of the Park, please stop. Even Gene Simmons can’t pull that look off anymore. We yield to your Love Gun, just put on some khakis or something.

For you ladies, I’d like to salute you on your choices, since it seems that 90% of the costumes I see are simply slutty versions of regular professions. Slutty nurse, slutty secretary, slutty cop, sluttier hooker, etc. Nicely done.

To the folks in my neighborhood, I’d like to ask you where the line is for trick-or-treaters. When the kids are driving themselves to your house and carrying pillowcases for the loot, I think they’re too old. Any time a teenager shows up at my door in some semblance of a costume that was applied in less than thirty seconds and demands candy, that’s just extortion.

I cut the lights off at seven and sat  in the dark eating candy, myself. Following that, I went to a Halloween haunted house where they had Dane Cook doing standup. It was horrifying.

— Reid Kerr doesn’t really mind Dane Cook, but he fit the joke.

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