The eBay Follies

Posted by admin - 01/06/11 at 07:06 am

Like many of you, I sell things on EBay from time to time. For the last couple of days, I’ve had quite a lot of unintentional fun with something I listed. I sold a portable radio, the kind they use in ambulances. I admittedly know nothing about the specifics of the radio, so I clearly wrote in the auction “I’m not familiar with all of the details on the radio, frequencies, etc…” and included several pictures of the radio and the settings and frequency ranges, so people who knew more about it could examine it and see if it was what they were looking for.

Apparently, I got a winning bidder who couldn’t read so well. It starts with this.

NoGED81: I want my monet back! this radio does not work . had promgamed does not talk to my radios

Not sure what he’s asking, or why it’s my fault. Or worse yet, why he wants his “Monet” back. I didn’t even know he had sent me art. Time for a polite, businesslike response.

Me: I don’t understand what you’re saying. You’re saying the radio works and you programmed it, but it doesn’t talk to your other radios? Please explain, sorry for any inconvenience.

Next thing I know, I get an email from a strange address.

TrayLRPRK69: This radio has the wrong bandsplit for our other radios. As far as I can tell, it transmits, but it will not work with our system.

Weird. Suddenly I’m talking to two people. Rather than I assume, or make the obvious gay joke about his “partner”, I clarify.

Me: Are you also “TrayLRPRK69”? I got a message tonight from someone with that name that I have had no contact with on ebay. Is that you?

I was correct, which leads to another rash of misspellings.

NoGED81: yes ,i was useing my partner computer,not sure why it sent his name , im not happy with this radio.what are u willing to do ? (email addy & phone number included)

Understood. Too bad, however. What am I willing to do? I’m willing to explain at great length how any simpleton should have been able to see what he was buying.

Me: Sorry for any inconvenience, but there’s nothing I can do. You purchased a radio, and I sold you a working radio. I was clear in the item description that I knew nothing about the frequencies, and I included a picture of the back of the radio so people could look up the unit if they wanted more information. I sold you a working radio, and I’m sorry if it doesn’t correspond with other radios you’re currently using. However, my description of the item was correct and the item is in working condition.

Well, logic is exhausted. Next up on the gameplan of the truly desperate is threats.

NoGED81: you did not say 880-h-3. and i think you knew so i will be giving bad feed back ! and then i will sell it back on ebay letting people know who ,where i got this radio from,thanks alot.

Yep, he’s losing it. Still, time for a polite response. Businesslike, but not wavering.

Me: Sorry again for your inconvenience, but all I can do is make out an accurate auction description and include pictures. I included the picture of the back of the item, which clearly marks this unit as a TK-880H-3. I was up front about the fact I didn’t know much about the frequencies of the radio, that’s why I included everything about it in the description and pictures. I’m not sure why you’re angry at me for selling you a working radio that was exactly as I described it.

And anger soon turns to incoherence.

NoGED81: You did not say it was 880h-3 you knew.thats why you put it in a picture! I put it back on e bay as a 880h-3 will see what it sells for then ill give your feed back letting all know . we dont you on ebay you give it a bad name !

Okay, at this point, I’m through apologizing. I’m sure I’m going to get a negative feedback from this guy, so it’s time to get my money’s worth.

Me: “Q: You did not say it was 880h-3 you knew.thats why you put it in a picture!”

Enlighten me, here. So I sold you a perfectly functional radio, with full information and extra pictures, and I’m to blame because you didn’t actually look at the item?

“I put it back on e bay as a 880h-3 will see what it sells for then ill give your feed back letting all know .”

Not sure what you’re saying here, but I listed an item with accurate description and pictures, sold it to you, and shipped it in a very timely manner. I’ve done nothing wrong, and see no reason for negative feedback.

“–we dont you on ebay you give it a bad name !”

No idea what that means. There don’t seem to be enough words in that sentence.

I have 1000 positive feedbacks on completed transactions over the past ten  years. I stand by my record.

So, the gloves are off.

NoGED81: accurate description and you left out that it was h-3 .god takes care people like you . sleep good .

Now that was a hard left turn, eh? I sell this guy a working radio, and he’s calling down the wrath of the Holy Spirit on me.

Me: “accurate description and you left out that it was h-3 .”

What part of “I’m not familiar with all of the details on the radio, frequencies, etc…” did you not understand? Was it the same part where you didn’t bother to look at the extra pictures I posted so my bidders could examine the radio and tell for themselves if it was the model they wanted?

“god takes care people like you .”

No, God takes care of people who can read, and look at pictures. The rest of you are on your own.

“–sleep good .”

Sleep well.

At this point, he may be having trouble reading the emails.


Brevity is the soul of wit, especially if you only comprehend a few words.

Me: How is me entering the description of the item including pictures that told you EXACTLY the information you’re saying I withheld being deceptive? It’s not like I typed it in Spanish, or showed blurry pictures.

We’re rolling now, aren’t we?


Just keep banging on that drum, Chester.

Me: To begin with, congratulations on finding that Caps Lock button. That makes the misspellings and lack of punctuation much easier to deal with, thanks.

I think the question here is, did you even bother to look at the pictures, read the description, or look at anything other than the word “radio” on the auction? Did you ever use the “PgDn” button? Have you ever? It’s a nifty little invention, saves a lot of time, there might be more pictures or information down there that could be relevant, especially since the auction plainly states that I don’t know much about the radio’s frequencies.

While you’re there, you could also hit the Print button and shoot off a copy of the pictures I took for you, and take it to the labs to have somebody decipher that oh-so-cryptic TK-880H-3 written plainly on the back of the radio that you say doesn’t exist. It’s not exactly the Dead Sea Scrolls. It’s pretty clear right there in the top right corner of the unit.

See? Pictures just aren’t pretty. Sometimes they show us things, too.

Back to the Big Lie Theory. Repeat.

NoGED81: “Description Kenwood TK-880H UHF Two-Way Mobile Radio this is a paste copy of your e-bay read it”

He’s out of words, apparently.

Me: Good point, why actually answer a question or think for yourself when you can cut and paste?

That was my description, yes. How can you say that’s a deception when that’s exactly what it said on the back of the radio, and I told you I didn’t know much about the radio or its frequencies?

I don’t have to read it. I wrote it. I used punctuation, and capitalization, and everything. Not that that’s a hint or anything.

So what you’re saying is all you read from this auction was the title, and bought the auction without even looking up any pertinent information? I went to a lot of work writing that out and taking the pictures, you know. From what you’re telling me, I might as well have posted pictures of crop circles or dogs playing poker, because you weren’t going to bother looking at them anyway.

If I sold you a Mustang, and told you I didn’t know much about cars, would you bother looking at it before you buy it, or would you just assume it was the exact year and model you were looking for? Would you bother to look at the pictures to make sure you weren’t buying a billygoat, perhaps?

I was certain I’d get bad feedback out of this one, and even more sure there would be at least one misspelling in it. Here’s the feedback he posted.

NoGED81: Left out info in Description ,Told me to look @pictures Not Helpful.”DECEPTIVE”

Not technically misspelled, but that spacing and capitalization sure could use some work. However, here’s his response to my completely factual feedback of him.


You know anybody else who’s been called an asshole on eBay by a functional illiterate? I wear that like a badge of honor.

— Reid Kerr dislikes eBay’s new systems every time he tries to log on.

3 Responses to “The eBay Follies”

  1. Michelle Harvey says:
    August 22nd, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    After reading this post I really wish I could leave you ebay feedback without actually purchasing something from you. It would be enjoyable. You rock Reid Kerr.

  2. admin says:
    August 23rd, 2011 at 9:41 am

    And I would be polite, because I know you can read. People like you are my favorite type of EBay buyers!

  3. Joey C says:
    August 24th, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    If frustrating the “functional illiterate” were a sport, you sir would be a gold medalist.

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