Walk Off 43 Pounds This Month! And Other Blatant Lies

Posted by admin - 06/06/11 at 01:06 am

While checking out at the local store and trapped in the aisle of shiny impulse items, I saw this magazine. It’s something called “First” magazine, and the headline reads “WALK OFF 43 POUNDS THIS MONTH!”

Oh, shut the Hell up.

Let’s ponder the concept of walking off 43 pounds in the course of a single month, shall we? Unless you’re living on a steady diet of water and tape worms, it’s not going to happen. Perhaps if your walking track takes you through a minefield, you might wind up with 43 pounds less of you after a month. Otherwise, don’t lie to me like I’m Larry King.

Who believes a story like this? You would not only need to have no knowledge of nutrition or caloric burn, but you’d probably also need to be unfamiliar with the concept of “walking.”

Seriously, if you’re going to lie to me, at least make it a lie I could conceivably believe. “Walk Off 20 Pounds” I might fall for. “Lose A Small Amount Of Weight By Doing Exercise?” Sure!

However, “Lose A Third-Grader’s Worth Of Weight By Participating In A Minor Exertion” is a bit too much to ask.

— Reid Kerr thinks the Shake-Weight commercial is the greatest thing he’s ever seen.

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