NFL: My NFC Predictions

Posted by admin - 09/09/11 at 02:09 am

NFC East

Philadelphia (12-4) – The Eagles look to improve offensively this year by calling that play more often where DeSean Jackson scores a touchdown from eighty yards away, and will rely less on the play where he drops an open pass right in his hands.

Dallas (8-8) – Last year, the Cowboys defense set franchise records for points, yards, touchdowns and passing yards allowed. New defensive coordinator Rob Ryan plans to lift the unit up through the power of “cool hair.”

New York (7-9) – Defensive end Osi Umenyiora tried to hold out for a new contract in this offseason, then asked for a trade. When the Giants denied him, he asked a Bloody Mary, a steak sandwich, and a steak sandwich. Tom Coughlin didn’t get it.

Washington (3-13) – The Redskins hope to continue their progress in the second year of Mike Shanahan’s “From Last To Worst” program.

NFC North

Green Bay (14-2) – The Packers have several offensive starters returning from injury last season, so their main problem for 2011 seems to be finding a place for everyone to sit on the team bus.

Detroit (9-7) – New gameplan involves having quarterback Matthew Stafford shipped to road games encased in bubble-wrap.

Chicago (7-9) – The Bears have been forced into a rebuilding mode this year, since no one actually remembers them hosting the NFC Championship game last season.

Minnesota (6-10) – The Vikings are the only team in the league who can call it a youth movement by signing a thity-four year-old quarterback. Their new offensive gameplan is titled “Squandering The Prime Of Adrian Peterson’s Career.”

NFC South

Atlanta (12-4) – After the playoff loss, Matt Ryan is still thought of as the future of the league. However, it’s now one of those “Terminator” style futures, where it’s always just a couple of years away.

New Orleans (12-4) – After suffering through last year’s Super Bowl hangover, the Saints now only have to overcome a regular New Orleans hangover this season.

Tampa Bay (10-6) – The Bucs are one of the youngest teams in the league again this year, which is a great benefit to them in organizing post-game Call Of Duty marathons.

Carolina (3-13) – Expect the play of rookie quarterback Cam Newton to distract everyone from the fact that the Panthers really do suck at every position.

NFC West

St. Louis (8-8) – Sam Bradford looks to continue his Rookie of the Year caliber of play by throwing to Rams receivers that no one has ever heard of. It’s like he’s in a commercial, and he’s the only NFL player the sponsor paid for.

Arizona (7-9) – With a strong performance to open the season, Kevin Kolb can become one of the top five quarterbacks in Cardinals history by week five.

San Francisco (6-10) – With the addition of Braylon Edwards to a roster already containing Michael Crabtree and Ted Ginn, the 49ers already lead the league in disgruntled wide receivers.

Seattle (4-12) – In signing Tavaris Jackson and Sidney Rice from Minnesota, coach Pete Carroll appears to be trying to recreate the same conditions that led to Brett Favre coming out of retirement.

Division Champs: Philly, Green Bay, Atlanta, St. Louis
Wild Cards: New Orleans, Tampa Bay
NFC Champ: Green Bay

Super Bowl Pick: Green Bay over New England

For my AFC picks, click here.

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