Halloween Wishes, Rock Stars And Sluts Edition

Posted by admin - 31/10/11 at 10:10 am

It's not a costume if you'd wear it every day of the year.

Happy Halloween to everyone. I’d like to take this moment to make my annual plea to middle-aged guys everywhere.

Please. Stop dressing up as KISS every Halloween.

Seriously, guys. For the love of the Phantom of the Park, please stop.  I know it’s an easy costume, and a childhood fantasy, but enough. Please. Eighteen years in a row is plenty. Even Gene Simmons can’t pull that look off anymore. We yield to your Love Gun, just put on some khakis or something.

For you ladies, I’d like to salute you on your choices, since it seems that 90% of the costumes I see are simply slutty versions of regular professions. Slutty nurse, slutty secretary, slutty cop, slutty nun, etc. Nicely done.

You know who I feel sorry for on Halloween? Sluts. They don’t stand out at all.

To the folks in my neighborhood, I’d like to ask you where the line is for trick-or-treaters. When the kids are driving themselves to your house and carrying pillowcases for the loot, I think they’re too old. Any time a teenager shows up at my door in some semblance of a costume that was applied in less than thirty seconds and demands candy, that’s just extortion.

As for trick-or-treaters, when you’re old enough that the person who opens the door asks you if you’d like a cup of coffee, it’s probably time to pack it in.

I cut the lights off at seven and sit  in the dark eating candy, myself. After that, I’m going to a Halloween haunted house where they’ll have Dane Cook doing standup. It’ll be horrifying.

– Reid Kerr actually likes Dane Cook, but he fit the joke.

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