Can’t Hold A Candle, And I Refuse To

Posted by admin - 11/11/11 at 05:11 am

I also recommend "Behind-The-Dumpster Destinee."

While shopping in Target, I spotted a candle on the Clearance Aisle. I didn’t recognize the scent, but really, when do you?

Candles have names like “Butterfrost Wheat” and “Cinnamon Sandalwood” and “Oceanzest Medley.” There’s really no rhyme or reason to the naming system.

The ocean smells like dead fish and pirates, and not the Orlando Bloom sort of pirates, either. Why would you expect an ocean-scented candle to be pleasant?

“Why, you smell like the ocean, sweetheart! When you flip your hair, I can really catch a whiff of bloated beached whale carcass.”

Candles aren’t a big guy item, anyway. If they were, they would have names we could identify and pick up quickly. Names like “Flowers,”  “Bag O’Limes,” or my personal favorite, “Salisbury.”

Anyway, I flipped the candle over to check the scent, and it was called “Downtown Amber.”

Well, no wonder it’s on clearance. The candle sounds like it smells like a prostitute.

— Reid Kerr doesn’t care much for the scent of whores. At least he doesn’t think he does.


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