Ready Neti

Posted by admin - 31/01/12 at 05:01 am

No, this is actually what's supposed to happen.

After a lifetime of sinus problems, I have decided to take the best treatment available, as long as that treatment is available for less than ten bucks.

Yes, I have purchased a Neti Pot.

For those of you who’ve never seen Cougar Town, a Neti Pot is a device for irrigating your sinuses by turning them into your own personal Tennessee Valley Authority. You take the Neti Pot, fill it with saline water, cock your head sideways and start pouring. The water runs through one nostril and out of the other, turning your snout into a faucet.

Fair warning, using a Neti pot can be fatal if you use water from Louisiana.  Which is, let’s face it, pretty stupid. In fact, putting anything from Louisiana inside your body can actually be counted as “suicide” in terms of invalidating your life insurance. Food, water, New Orleans companions, Harry Connick Jr., whatever.

Anyway, my head has been a bit stuffy lately so I decided to whip out the ol’ Neti Pot again. I used it on both sides, then went about my business to learn a very important lesson.

If you don’t get all the water out of your nose, then you are a garden hose waiting to happen.

Yes, you can blow your nose all you’d like, but you’re not done yet. You’ve got a couple of quarts lurking within you, just waiting for the opportunity to come pouring fourth like the last wave in Titanic.

I was at a bookstore about two hours after using mine, and bent over to see some books on the lower shelves. Suddenly a torrent of water began to pour forth from my nose, with the unstoppable urgency of a young man’s urine stream.

That’s very hard to explain to casual strangers.

Does it help? I have no idea. I wouldn’t recommend it as the sole form of treatment if you’re sick, but it makes me feel like I’m cleaned out.

It’s just a bit difficult to tell someone that when you’ve just reverse-snorted a pint of nose fluid onto their carpet.

— Reid Kerr doesn’t like to shop where people shed their bodily fluids.

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