Men & Women, The Barefoot Issue

Posted by admin - 22/08/12 at 05:08 pm

Okay, this one’s for the ladies.

Please. Please help us. I’m putting all the pressure and blame on you.

I was out to dinner with my wife at a nice restaurant this weekend. We were having a good evening talking and waiting on our order, when a woman came in and sat down at the table across from us. Her date came in, then ran back out for a minute.

At the time, I thought it was a bit odd. The woman was dressed nicely, wearing make up, and just generally looked ready for a nice night out.

The date, on the other hand, was wearing a pair of oversized shorts, sneakers with no socks, and a t-shirt with both sleeves cut out.

You know what I don’t care much for in a restaurant? Men’s hairy underarms. Or even un-hairy ones.

If this guy’s getting laid, there’s a serious breakdown in the system.

The woman was dressed like she was going for a nice casual evening out, and he was dressed like he had just walked in from a basketball game going on in the parking lot.

It got better, though, when Captain Gym Rat removed his shoes.

Yep, shoes off. With no socks underneath, either, thus giving us all a good view of his feet, all stretched out there like he was on the beach.

Here’s my rule of thumb, unless you’re eating dinner in a monkey cage, leave your damn shoes on. Feet gross some people out, I’m not one of them. However, that doesn’t mean I want to eat while getting a good eyeful of your bunions.

I wondered at the time why women let men get away with things like that.

Is it sexist of me to think that way? Yes, of course. But truthful. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being shallow, as long as you’re insightful about it.

Guys are lazy. If it weren’t for women, we’d always dress like that. Guys don’t wear suits for other guys. Hell, we don’t even wear sleeves for other guys. We’d all live in frat house-decorated apartments, dress in gym clothes, and eat crap every meal. There would be no dance music, and all food would be grilled and served with beer.

We better ourselves only because we have to, to attract you. Without taking the necessary steps to clean up to attract a mate, we’d be nothing more than ever-disgusting filthpigs, walking around with leftover food tucked into our pockets.

So please, I beg of you, require more of us. When you’re dating, don’t let us pull up out front and honk. Require flowers once in a while. And sleeves, all the time. Don’t let us take you out on a weekend to Arby’s. Push for Chili’s, at least. Demand our tattoos be spelled correctly.

I know a lot of women marry a man with the intention of changing him. That won’t work, don’t even bother to try it. However, demanding a certain level of attention to detail and hygiene is certainly a workable goal.

Start with shoes. Work your way up to relatively clean underwear when you think you can require it. As a species, we depend on you for this.

As it is now, you’re settling for a subpar product. Think about it. There’s never a guy arrested on Cops being led away by his meth-burned undershirt who doesn’t have a wife just out of the frame screaming “DON’T HURT HIM! I LOVE HIM!”

— Reid Kerr didn’t even want to get started on the guy wearing sneakers without socks.

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