Irrelevant Tangents

Posted by admin - 26/09/12 at 03:09 pm

It’s gone too far. I saw a guy at my grocery store cleaning the glass doors in the frozen foods section while wearing one of those BlueTooth Ear Phones. You know, in case somebody needed to urgently reach him while he was squeegeing the front of the lasagna case. Remember back when everybody in the world wasn’t always available, and we were just able to make do without being in constant contact with everyone from the President right down to grocery store support staff?

I tend to let things get kind of messy at my house. The other day I tried to throw something on the floor and missed.

This DVD should come with a drool cup.

When I see “Coach Season I On DVD: Limited Edition”, I agree. It’s limited for a good, common-sense reason.

I like going to PetSmart, because I can pee anywhere I like and nobody notices.

Why don’t they make a video game where you’re delivering foreign aid? That might make international peace and prosperity a little bit sexier.

If women really want to wear a fragrance that attracts men, they should make a perfume that smells like the laundry aisle. Or perhaps the first whiff from a freshly opened bag of potato chips.

Lesson: Never try and make witty small talk with a girl whose earrings are bigger than her head.

If a medication is referred to as “Maximum Strength,” why would you ever need to take more than one of them at a time?

I just got Eddie Money’s Greatest Hits album, and I can remember clearly two of his songs that were released as singles with videos that are not included on the album. I’m not sure what that says about his management team, nor am I certain what that says about me.

Idle Thought: I caught part of “To Die For” on cable the other night. Is that the best movie Nicole Kidman has ever made that takes place in the present day? You know, disqualify any role she’s had where she was wearing a hoop skirt and doing a Merchant Ivory flick.

Owens sausage has a flavor designated “Extra Mild.” What the Hell is that? Is it super-average? Is it extra-medium? Does it have that certain lack of taste that mild foods have, except an exciting amount of it?

I heard a Dallas sportstalk radio station ran the promo “Breaking Sports News First…Guaranteed!” Guaranteed? Or what? Or my money back?

They now sell something called “Black Cherry Vanilla Diet Coke”. I can see the soda executives sitting around the table, discussing the new product, and wondering if they could get “just ONE more chemical in there somewhere. Hey, let’s make it Diet! And turn it black! And then, we’ll have to put a warning label on it that says ‘Do not drink if pregnant, may cause mutation.'”

People always seem to get excited when one of those free standing fairs comes to town. The carnies set up on a parking lot, and bolt the rides into the concrete and take off. You know, I just don’t trust portable roller coasters being run by an elementary school dropout with six teeth, two noses, and rickets.

— Reid Kerr once watched a defensive driving video hosted by Craig T. Nelson, and considers it one of his finest performances.

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