My Emo Waiter

Posted by admin - 05/12/12 at 03:12 am

I ate last week in a popular Mexican chain restaurant, and was surprised to see that I had a little emo waiter.

I’m sure there’s a better term for it now, and emo has turned to Goth, which turned to screamo, which is now called something completely different. Define it however you’d like, it just seemed a bit odd to me that someone who depends on the kindness and generousness of the public would try and set themselves apart.

I mean, come on. This isn’t the Hot Topic, Iggy. This is the Jalapeno Tree. This is Lubys, with tortillas. This place is full of people who haven’t worn black eyeshadow since the Smiths broke up. Your target audience doesn’t want to see your gaping earring holes and plastered down hair. They’re going to spend all of the meal wondering why you look sort of like Liza Minelli with more accessories, and completely forget to leave extra money on the table so you can pay your rent.

Some of you who’ve known me might be crying foul at me taking offense to someone else’s appearance, since for much of my life I’ve appeared to be auditioning for a role as a background criminal on some Scottish cop show. Guilty, but I wasn’t working with the public and counting on them to pay me.

I’ll put it this way. Yes, at several points in my life I had long hair in my career in the workplace. When I had a ponytail, I worked in the basement of KLTV. They kept me locked down in the darkness below ground level, like the retarded mutant kid in horror movies.

When I cut the hair, they stopped treating me like Sloth and let me come out and play with others, and be on television. Whether that was a good choice or not is still debatable I guess.

— Reid Kerr’s last haircut came at the intersection of “The Big Lebowski” and Eric Stolz’ character in “Pulp Fiction.”

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