Irrelevant Tangents

Posted by admin - 17/01/14 at 02:01 am

A good life is like riding the bus. It requires change for you to actually get anywhere.

My doctor said I need more fiber in my diet, so today I got my footlong Subway meatball sandwich on wicker.

The answers are easy. You just have to figure out which questions they go with.

Guys, here’s some advice. When the Playboy centerfolds were born after you graduated high school, it’s time to move on.

I diet just so I won’t wind up as one of the headless rounded torsos they always show on the news whenever they report the new obesity statistics. I don’t want to be your b-roll.

Why are there no superheroes with sexually-transmitted powers? If a radioactive spider can rewrite Peter Parker’s DNA, I’d imagine anyone having sex with Bruce Banner has a pretty good chance to wake up green and angry.

Wrist tattoos look like hastily scrawled suicide notes.

My favorite part of Saturday Night Live is where they introduce the musical guest I’ve never heard of, and I spend the next four minutes trying to figure out what commercial I’ve heard their song on.

Due to budgetary reasons, I’m having to scale things back a bit. From now on, it’s only every OTHER day I’ll be shufflin’, shufflin’. Please adjust your schedules accordingly.

Even Morris Day gets lonely sometimes. That’s one of those things I found written in an old notebook and I have no idea why, but I like it too much to throw it away.

If I read your name in my Facebook feed and the first memory that leaps to mind is of you not being smart enough in high school to a) pass an algebra test or b) operate a beer bong correctly, please do us both a favor and lay off the in-depth political analysis, Jethro.

My wife owns a VW Beetle convertible. Or as I refer to it, “Hitler’s final revenge.”

Dear mid-40’s white guy behind me in the Toyota Avalon rapping along with the radio at the tip of your lungs at the stoplight…thank you. You have entertained me in ways you can scarcely imagine.

My two favorite places to eat after midnight are Whataburger, and standing in my kitchen naked. And Whataburger is #1 by a wide margin.

— Reid Kerr’s first novel, “The Great Texas Trailer Park Escape” is available now on Amazon and Barnes &

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