The NFL By The Numbers

9th November 2017 by admin No Comments

My new NFL/humor column is out at, check it out here. I break down the NFL season by the numbers, including things like…

15 – Number of players who have quit on the Giants. Don’t worry though; it’s only the ones responsible for tackling and catching passes.


Trick or Trout

6th November 2017 by admin No Comments

We got hit pretty hard for Halloween this year. I had to give that last kid two cough drops and a potato.

NFL Trade Deadline Winners & Losers

2nd November 2017 by admin No Comments

This week for the Tyler Morning Telegraph, I pick winners and losers at the NFL Trade Deadline, including…

Winner: Tyrod Taylor. The Bills quarterback finally has a weapon, after spending the whole season throwing to players like “Whatshisname,” “That Guy,” and “Picture Not Available.”
Loser: The Browns. Spoiler Alert: It’s always the Browns.

All that plus predictions on tonight’s game, Jerry Jones, and a Buttfumble reference. Check it out.


27th October 2017 by admin No Comments

I don’t really drink coffee so I never know what to order at Starbucks. I just ordered the Vanilla Blonde Roast, because I really like all three of those separately.

Getting a Do-Over on This NFL Season

15th October 2017 by admin No Comments

My humor column for the Tyler Morning Telegraph newspaper is up now, featuring my picks for NFL Week Six. In it, you’ll find semi-insightful commentary like…

Tampa Bay (-1.5) at Arizona: Adrian Peterson is the new Emmitt Smith. And by that I mean he’s a Hall of Fame running back whose last year in Arizona will be completely forgotten.
Pick: Bucs to win and cover, winning by two or more.

Check it out, kids. As always, no wagering.

The Accidental Wedding

14th October 2017 by admin No Comments

Dropped in to a local pub with some friends after the show this afternoon. It’s four on a Saturday, and suddenly we hear a saxophone playing “Careless Whisper.” Turns out there was an impromptu wedding there. Even though the couple wasn’t technically getting married, they still had a bar ceremony. Bizarre? Absolutely, but these are the kinds of things that happen in my life, my friends.

By the way, the couples first dance song? A solo saxophone rendition of the Scorpions “Still Loving You.” It fit perfectly.

For those of you who remember last year’s#Kerricane2016, this comes almost a year to the day from when we saw a bar-top-dancing bride almost get decapitated by a ceiling fan on Anna Maria Island. It’s always an adventure.

The College Football Face or “The Surrender Cobra”

24th September 2017 by admin No Comments

My absolute favorite thing about college football TV broadcasts? The reaction shot of the stunned college student with his hands on his head.
I back up the DVR and watch them again every single time. Welcome to life, kids.


23rd September 2017 by admin No Comments

Early morning Habitat For Humanity. I hope there’s an open bar. If not, that’s the first thing we should build.

#habitatforhumanity #goals #forwardthinking #forwarddrinking

NFL: Best and Worst of Week Two

21st September 2017 by admin No Comments

My column is up at, with semi-insightful commentary like “San Francisco’s Brian Hoyer is somehow the 35th ranked quarterback in the league, which is like saying Oklahoma is your 57th favorite state.”

Check it out, kids.

The Deli Trash Bash

19th September 2017 by admin No Comments

McAllisters Deli, I love you, but we’ve got to talk. You need to find some way to store all the food for your catering orders that doesn’t scream “New York City Garbage Workers Strike, Day 34.



Friday Night’s Alright (For Drinking)

15th September 2017 by admin No Comments

A Friday night in Sugartit means long lines at the liquor store.

“Give me a bottle of anything that makes Kentucky blurry.”

Flight Terms

14th August 2017 by admin No Comments

Thank you alerting me to your travel specials, Allegiant. Perhaps in the future you could use a better phrase for your flight than “Hit the ocean,” as that does not sound like a good way to end a trip in your plane.

I would also suggest not using the terms “crash into vacation” or “prices are plummeting like they’ve lost engine power over the Atlantic.”

All my best,