Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

My NFL New Year’s Resolutions

1st January 2017 by admin No Comments

My NFL week seventeen sports humor column is up here, from the pages and website of the Tyler Morning Telegraph. It features lines like these… I resolve to not watch Texans games until they change offensive philosophies and try and gain more than a yard per play. I resolve to never underestimate Bill Belichick, no […]

The 2016 NFL Year In Review

28th December 2016 by admin No Comments

My new sports humor column is up today, it’s in the pages of the Tyler Morning Telegraph, and also online at their website. It’s my end-of-year timeline, featuring hopefully funny observations like… APRIL: On day two of the draft, chaos rules as the Cowboys take a guy who won’t play this year, Tampa Bay trades […]

Least Mode: The Unofficial Official Super Bowl XLIX Timeline

5th February 2015 by admin No Comments

For those of you who are fans of sports, commercials, controversy, halftime shows, fistfights, and all of the other things that go into a Super Bowl, my annual award-winning* Super Bowl Timeline is up now at ProjectShanks.com, featuring lines like… 9:57pm – The Seahawks get a miracle catch to get the ball down inside the […]

The Unofficial Official Super Bowl XLVIII Timeline: Give It Away, Now

2nd February 2014 by admin No Comments

My unofficial official Super Bowl XLVIII Timeline: 6:00am, Central Standard Time, Super Bowl Sunday – Punxsutawney Phil emerges from his hole and sees his shadow, which means six more years of losing seasons for the Cleveland Browns. 5:03pm – In the pregame, FOX’s broadcast team discusses the best ways to beat Peyton Manning. Number one […]

The Great Arkansas Putt-Putt Adventure

28th May 2013 by admin No Comments

A lot of people like to do something special for their birthday. I chose to spend my birthday weekend working with my buddy Matt “Mattie 5” Bellner, covering him on the Professional Putters Tour in Fort Smith, Arkansas. Why? Why not? FRIDAY: The Road Never Starts We decided Friday afternoon to make the trip to […]

Dodgin’ The Draft 2013: Man On Manti

26th April 2013 by admin No Comments

9:46pm – Minnesota drafts Sharrif Floyd. Sharrif don’t like it. Rock the casbah.

Powerless: The Unofficial Official Super Bowl XLVII Timeline

4th February 2013 by admin No Comments

In a programming note, CBS announces that Dan Marino will be starring in a new sitcom entitled “How I Met Your Father.”

My Twenty Years Under Friday Night Lights

16th November 2012 by admin No Comments

After twenty years and more than three hundred broadcasts, my time under the Friday Night Lights is over. I’ll miss it every single Autumn Friday from here on in.

PA? LOL.

24th May 2012 by admin No Comments

I’ve spent the last five days at the Junior College Division III World Series, which is a lot like the real World Series, except nobody gives a shit. Anyway, I’ve been working the public address system, which means I’ve spent fifteen hour days just announcing over and over again “Now batting, number six, Slappy McStinkerson.” […]

Oklahoma: Definitely Not Okay

23rd May 2012 by admin No Comments

Okay, this is a weird story. And by “weird” I mean “absolutely friggin’ terrifying.” Police now say the shooting spree Monday night in Oklahoma City was not related at all to the Thunder winning their nearby playoff basketball game. You know, if you’re going to try and kill eight people on a Monday night, it’s […]

Dodgin’ The Draft 2012: Good Luck, Bad Luck

28th April 2012 by admin No Comments

My official unofficial NFL Draft 2012 timeline: Thursday, April 26, 2012, 4:15pm Central Time – ESPN confirms quarterbacks Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III will be the first two picks in the 2012 draft, with ESPN’s NFL analysts saying Indianapolis and Washington have taken can’t-miss prospects and solved their quarterback problems. Meanwhile in Texas, two […]

Make-A-Wish, Take-A-Foul

10th February 2012 by admin No Comments

A Nebraska girls high school basketball team got assessed a technical foul for wearing pink jerseys to support the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Quick explanation, home teams must wear white jerseys. They didn’t. They wore pink ones, which were going to be auctioned off later for the Make-A-Wish Foundation. I’m not sure how much a used teenage […]